I’m not there yet. Perhaps you’re not there yet.
I still have emotions that hurt, thoughts that judge, all kinds of blemishes.
I create conflict; I buy into another’s conflict. My life features drama and trauma.
So I certainly appreciate the need for conflict-resolution mechanisms.
But always the place to start, and I suspect the place to end, is the conflict within me. That’s what needs to be resolved.
So what are the conflicts in my life and how do I feel when I’m aware of them?
My chief conflict is with my Dad, who was physically abusive. I feel hostile when I think of him.
My next conflict was with the boys at school who’d attack me. I feel wary when I think of them.
My third conflict is with my Mother, who left me, dying in a housefire. I had great plans for us to work together and I missed her.
My next conflict is with my first girlfriend. Then my first wife. Then with very other woman in my life, the proof being that none of them is here.
Of necessity, I need to digress for a moment.
I see a line separating people who care for others from people who don’t. I only care about other people very superficially. Admittedly there are times when I break through to deeper caring, but I know that one of the difficulties I face is that I do in fact only care about others superficially.
When I’m loaded down by baggage – or perhaps because I’m loaded down with baggage – I cannot get under the layer of density that these feelings represent and also cause in the musculature of the physical body. The bands of tension are a correlate of my thoughts.
So I must find a way of getting rid of all conflict within myself. I must bring myself to peace.
How would I do that?